"I know that!"

I hear that often from my 4 year old. If, in the course of a conversation, I happen to share a tidbit of knowledge that he's heard before, I get a teen-sounding, eye-rolling, "I KNOW that!" Frankly, after the first time (where it was surprising and amusing), I find it more than a little annoying.

They say we're most annoyed by traits in others that we also possess. I'm sure that over the course of my life various people have considered me a 'know-it-all.' They might not have said it out loud, but considering my own motives at various times, it must have been thought.

Please follow me to 5 Minutes for Faith for 'the rest of the story.'

You'd think I'd know better by now. I mean, I've seen God's provision up close and personal since I was in high school. I'm sure he was on the job before then, but my awareness of it kicked in around my junior year.

My parents left full time, regular employment to go into full time ministry. Not nice, neat church jobs. No, they went into full-time Rescue Mission work. Not glamorous. And definitely not well-paying.

And while we certainly went through our periods of insecurity, in reality we never lacked for food or shelter or anything else important. I even have lots of stories of God's specific provision--for big things, like houses, or little things, like the onion my mom prayed for that came in a bag of groceries delivered by some college girls from church.

It used to be easy to believe in that kind of provision. I went into full time ministry myself and followed His lead to new towns for new opportunities. Things weren't always easy, but I never felt alone or doubted that I'd be taken care of.

Philippians 4:19 could have been a theme verse for that period of my life: "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

But for some reason, now that I have a family and things aren't as we expected them to be, at times I find myself more dependent on my circumstances and the things I can see rather than relying on the Great Provider and trusting in what I can't see.

There are big uncertainties looming as we reach the end of the expected resources without new jobs or alternatives lined up.

And yet, when I stop looking for the 'big picture' (because it's a pointless exercise as I absolutely can't see it at the moment) and look at what's right in front of me today, I see God's provision, the same as it's always been there for me.

It's come from unexpected places--the proverbial 'check in the mail' that we've never experienced before. The gift of several months anonymously paid at a facility the whole family uses a great deal but is the kind of thing that's often the first to go during times of belt-tightening. The gifts themselves are so appreciated, but the affirmation they express and the confirmation of God's faithfulness that they communicate are even more significant to us.

There's a passage of scripture that tells us that those who are faithful in the little things can be trusted with greater things. I know that passage is meant to remind us to be faithful with everything God entrusts to us--big or small. But it keeps coming back to me in a different way; because I can see God looking after us in small ways, I know can trust Him with the big stuff too.

How about you? Do you find it easy to trust in little things or big things? What are you trusting Him for today?

This morning I shared the waiting room with a chatty elderly couple. I politely pretended not to hear their conversation, but soon it became more than time-passing rambling.

"Everything would be different if he hadn't fallen," she said. Her husband nodded in silent agreement.

"And Eleanor. If only she hadn't tried to put on her pants standing on one leg." The conversation continued, listing the various people she could name who would still be in good health (or still be around at all) if they hadn't fallen...

I'm blogging at 5 Minutes for Faith today...stop by to see what I learned...

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When I was ten, I was already old enough to have stopped believing in Santa. Maybe because in the two years since my parent's separation and subsequent divorce, he'd never given me the only thing I really wanted--to have my dad in our lives.

So when I was hospitalized with pneumonia that Christmas, I wasn't expecting him to find me. But sometime in the middle of the night, I awoke to Santa and someone else next to my bed. I closed my eyes as quick as I could because I knew that Santa wouldn't leave you anything if you saw him.

When morning broke, there on the little table next to the bed was a stack of gifts that I knew wasn't from my family; they hadn't been to the hospital yet. (Somewhere I still have the heart-shaped tiger-eye necklace that was with those gifts.) For most of the rest of that day, I was happy to entertain the idea that maybe Santa really was real.

My family came to visit. I think I liked the attention from everyone and I definitely liked getting more (and better) presents than ever before.

Later, alone in my room again, I saw a nurse open the closet across the hall from my room. The closet held all kinds of toys, including a doll just like the one at my bedside that morning. I realized that Santa hadn't brought my gifts; they came from that closet.

I was a little sad to have my illusion evaporate, but it didn't ruin my life or make me question all the adults who went to such lengths to perpetrate the fairy tale upon innocent, trusting minds.

So when it comes to my own children, I'm ambivalent about the white-haired guy. We do a lot to make sure the kids understand what Christmas is really about. We've never told them about Santa, but culturally it's out there, so they can't really miss it.

Along with our Nativity focused stories, I have read them a book about Saint Nicolaus so they understand that even Santa gave gifts because he loved Jesus.

I don't want to be the mom with "those kids" who ruin holidays for their friends, so I haven't made a big deal about Santa being a story, but my replies to their questions and conversations tend to be very neutral.

Santa's never been to our house. Bug is nearly seven, but he's never been a fan. Boo is recently 4; when he saw Santa's House was opening the day after Thanksgiving, he put in his request for a visit. That was a first.

So this year, for the first time, "Santa" will be making an appearance at our house. The gifts the boys asked him for will be beneath the tree on Christmas morning. I won't say they're from Santa, but I'll let them believe for now if they want to. Their "Santa gift" will be topped with a Christmas ornament that shows Santa kneeling before Christ. One comes with this poem. (Scroll down to read poem.)

It's hard sometimes, finding a balance between telling our children the truth and letting them enjoy the fleeting days of childhood magic.

But I don't believe my faith was harmed any by those young days of tooth fairies and Easter bunnies (my grandfather faithfully nibbled on the carrots we left out) and Santa.

And this year, I'm going to let their imaginations ponder the possibilities while I present the Nativity and the wonder that it brings.


What do you do with Santa? I'd love to hear.

"Are we going to have presents for Christmas?" asked Bug as I tucked him in.

"I'm sure we will," I replied, still trying to keep the mystery. "Why do you ask?"

"Dad doesn't have a job yet." His answer alternately surprises me and makes me sad.

I assured him we'll have a nice Christmas; and we will. Most of their Christmas was taken care of months ago. New budget constraints mostly mean no last-minute excess, and that's not a bad thing by any means.

What's not such a good thing is that my six year old is even concerned about such matters. I think we've been pretty careful not to give the boys cause to worry about things.

We don't focus on what we don't have or can't do, and we don't have worrisome conversations in front of them. We don't really have worrisome conversations at all. We do trust in the Lord's provision and we're taking this transition one day at a time as we seek what He has next for us.

But contrary to what we so often hear about kids being 'resilient' and adaptable, I think kids observe more and internalize more and are shaped more by their childhood experiences than we give them credit for.

I know I was more aware of my own parents marital issues--both before and after their divorce--than they thought I was. And moving and changing schools and having an absent father and a difficult step-parent situation all impacted and changed me in ways that affect me still.

Life is hard. It's messy and imperfect and certainly not always fun or comfortable. And while part of me would love to give my kids an idyllic childhood with nothing but happy times and warm memories, I know that's not possible.

So I guess the most I can hope to do is reassure them that God loves us and takes care of us and things will be good, even if we can't always see what's ahead.

PS--I'm blogging at Exemplify Online today. We'd love if you'd drop by and get a new view of how important certain Christmas ornaments can be.